I am seeing some posts about leaving old people in old age homes. I dont know anything about old age homes as we are living as a joint family with sons, daughters in law grand children etc. I am nearing 65 and this is a point of view of an old man which , i am definite, is going to differ with the young ones atleast with a minimum of 180 degrees.

Nowadays i find so many girls looking for a husband with his family living with him. (Dont fight with me i have seen so many girls and just because you are saying it is not so i am not going to change my opinion). They are looking for a joint family atleast to take care of the children when they go to office. But there is a fear lurking in their mind what will happen if the other members of the family interfere with their life. A genuine worry which nobody in their right mind will ignore. Now i am going to tell you how i am avoiding this problem.

The first drift away from the husband's family happens when the boy's family makes demands. Some may argue this is true as for as girls are concerned also. but such marriages are very rare where the boy's side does whatever the girl's side wants. Whenever the girl sees something which her father struggled to buy for the marriage she develops a slight hatred with her in laws and to certain extant with her hubby also. So my advise to parents of the boys is dont demand anything. The kids themselves are capable of getting what they wanted. Or if you are so much interested you pay for it and ask them to get it. Secondly dont take decisions for them thinking they are inexperienced. Remember they are employed and are taking decisions in domains we have not ever dreamt of. ,Moreover, we are not going to be alive for ever. At one point of time or other they have to take their own decisions. Leave it to them and let them face the consequences. If at at you feel the decision taken by them is wrong just INFORM them with reasons that they are wrong. dont impose your ideas on them. Most of the time they realise their mistakes. In short be a guide. explain the nuances and let them enjoy more with that knowledge. Thirdly never i once again repeat never ever interfere in their lives. If you hear them fighting in their bed room, remember it is their bedroom and not yours. Be glad they choose their bedroom to fight and not the hall. Meaning that they not only value their privacy more but also respect you not to get hurt in their fight. If they want you to know they will come to you automatically. If they come to you remember they are there only for counselling and not for decision. Fourthly dont insist that you must be informed of anything and everything happening between them. If they feel it is worthy to tell you it will be an automatic happening. Keep financial dealings seperate wherever and whenever possible. dont differentiate between daughter in laws. One may have a rich background and the other may not have it.and tell that to sambandhis also. This post is mainly aimed at to my next generation who are in line to become in laws. So many things are flooding my mind but this post is becoming too long. so rest in some other post ‪#‎rskpolambals‬#