Dissection of Love 

 Love to me is the most abused word in the world atleast in this part of the world. Whoever talks about it tells me how wonderful to be in love is. And the thing which makes me wonder is the way these people are talking about love as if nobody was in love in earlier year and it was discovered only recently. They more or less confirms the old adage yah the adage is far more older than me that love is blind. it wont see caste, religion, status etc. Nowadays one more dimension has also been added to this i.e. lovewont even see the gender. Good. The human is a person who embraces everything which is good and wonderful to them. If love is such a wonderful thing why it has not bitten so many youngsters inspite of their being eligible single.

To me to be truly in love you must move with your partner atleast a minimum of ten years and should be with you 24 x 7. For some it takes more time than that.

The initial attraction towards the other gender starts on three counts 1. physical attraction 2. Emotional needs 3. Planned attraction. The third we can leave because it is planned and the person knows fully well of the consequences and will be prepared for it. The first around 90% falls under this category. The dress, the way they move, or the english they speak or their lifestyle attracts first. then people by hook or crook gets introduced and start falling in love. Here starts the play. The people while they are inlove shows the only face they want to show and not their entire face. this continues for ever till it culminates into marriage or by accident their other face comes out. Now the people are in a dilemma whether to accept it or to break it. some people meekily surrender on getting false promises and others break up. When in love they think only about them and they never think about their parents and most of them think they are going to be in thanikudithanam. but when reality stares in their face they are not in a position to free themselves ....

When such things happens i am not able to believe what is called as true love. First i want to know what today's meaning of love because i see it being expressed in my ways and in many forums.To mother on her birthday and mothers' day luv u mom same goes with father's day and friendship day, brother's day sisters' day siblings day, birthdays and a lot of luv u babies cho chweets love love everywhere. want to know whether all these loves will come under true love or not. Whether loving a person with an intention of living together either by way of marriage or otherwise is the only thing which qualify for the term true love. OK Let us talk about true love.
Now i am going to talk about love at first sight the physical attributes and love born out of compassion.
Yes you like that person because of various reasons other than compassion or planning. Now it moves to next stage. Starts with sweet nothings benefiting the mobile companies and card sellers. At this stage both of them never discuss about themselves or their future all they will be doing is dreaming about being together running in snows and going to malls and restaurants. Both of them will be having a doubt and wont reveal more about them for fear that the partner may not like that and they want to be in the good books of the partners. This will slowly grow up and the next step of going to theatres faraway from the prying eyes of their neighbours and malls and eateries. The boy's purse will always be open for her and the mobile will be immediately answered. Now also they wont discuss anything fruitful and every thing will be sweet giggles only.by this time one or more years would have gone by. If her parents are very much open minded the costly gifts will start coming home. Nowadays it is smart phones or iphones. (after the recent bursting of samsung galaxy note 7 and iphone 7 i heard the girls are not accepting them as gifts)Like this the true love is being developed. After few years when they were confident that their love matter reached everyone except their parents ( In all those love affairs it was the parents were the last people who gets to know and the entire world knows it before. I have experienced it personally) they start discussing about marriage and their future together. Now all the lying starts. The girl will be promised heaven. She need not do any work. there were servants to take care of her needs. she can hand over her entire salary to her parents. they can have a child whenever she wants it. if she does not want to undergo labour pain they can adopt a child also. he has no problems with it. If her parents object to their marriage she can simply walk out and she will be taken care of his family. Every one at his family loves her. On hearing this words she will be in cloud nine (she will even forgot that she had not met any one from the boy's side and how they knew about her? had he opened this subject with his family and what was their reaction? whether they needed any convincing?) Now she will be in a state of mind to oppose her family based on his assurances. Like wise the girl will promise him that her parents will not go against her wish. they will happily marry her. as the only child she will inherit the entire wealth of her parents. and she loves him so much and she will do anything for him. cook non vegetarian for him. will be a darling to his household and so on. So their life starts with lots and lots of lies because both of them had the fear of rejection in them. This happens mostly when the boy is from other caste/ religion. My question is with this much of lies how they call it true love

While they are in love the only crisis they are facing will be how to tell their parents. In most cases the neighbours takes that burden and informs the parents. Then depending on the circumstances the fight starts and ends up one way or other. Or they with the help of friends gets married at the Registrar's office and hides the marriage or walk out of their house. If there is support from either of the side there wont be any problems initially. If not the problem starts the moment the girl getting pregnant. Even in the arranged marriages, where the entire family of the boy's side showers love on that girl, during the pregnancy every girl wants to have her mother on her side. The emotional support a mother gives to her daughter cannot be substituted by anybody. In the love marriages where the parents are estranged it becomes an obsession for the girl and the resulted emotional outburst had to be borne entirely by the husband. He being inexperienced starts feeling the pressure and the first dissention takes place. Depending on the support she gets from her in laws the marriage goes on or breaks up. Ok. i think i have written enough about love marriages. Now i want to tell you what is true love from my own experience.

I was 55 when i went to Meghadatu in Karnataka with my entire family and brother in law's family. When we went there we were advised that there is a beautiful place down the river which will look like a ravine and the river narrows down but it will be very deep. So from the car park we crossed the river and took a jeep to reach the place. It was really beautiful and to enjoy it more i went down the steps (60 or 70 steps i think) and enjoyed for some time. When climbing up i felt some congestion in my chest and don't know how i reached the road and fell down unconscious. Nobody was there to help us. My wife and all of them started praying with no water bottle on hand. Just then, as an answer to their prayers, two shepherds came and revived me by giving water. We returned back to bangalore and then to salem where i was working. I was immediately admitted to hospital and and angio gram was done. It was diagnosed i had five blocks and bye pass operation had to be done. My wife wanted to take a second opinion and after getting it admitted to Apollo, chennai.The doctor there decided three of the blocks can be removed by tablets and for remaining two blocks angio plasty will be enough and there is no need for bye pass surgery. I was wheeled into the operation theatre. My wife accompanied the stretcher till the door. There she squeezed my hand with a smile on her face. Angio plasty was done and i was back in ICU for post operative care. Again my wife visited me with the same smile. But the smile had different meaning before and after the operation. The first meant Hey dont worry i am here to take care of things. i will fight anybody for you and you know about my fighting qualities and ability. so go with peace of mind and return back to me. The smile after operation told me "See i told you it is nothing. Stay strong and we can go home soon". I was discharged in three days. During the entire incident right from my swooning at Meghadatu to ICU at Apollo i have not seen a single drop of tear in her eyes and always they were reassuring me "You are mine and I wont leave you. I will always be on your side shouldering responsibilities for you". Yes this is what i call true love. Thanking Sadgurunathar for giving me such a wonderful wife and praying him to make me eligible for her.

Enough of my story. I have seen girls/boys falling in love with other caste/religion boys/girls. As told earlier the reason may be physical attraction or compassion or paucity of love at home or wanted to enjoy an aristocratic life. In all these there is some expectation from one to another and whoever feels that they have accomplished their goal in life regarding their expectation from their partner say their love is a success story in the initial periods. The coincidence in all these love is the boy/girl from our Community has to change his/her religion and not vice versa. In another post one of our members was narrating the experience of herself and her friend who married outside the religion. It is heart wrenching.Though i am nearing 65 and met so many successful lovers, failed lovers and people who hate love stories in short all type of people. In fact i have been a postman or hanuman in some of these love cases. But even with the experience i am not able to give her a suitable advise. May be i may be wanting or i may not have that much intelligence. But here a girl is suffering and her only sin is marrying outside the religion. Please bear it in mind that none of her brahmin relatives nor their brahmin friends were the reason for her suffering. And from what is being told by members i understand that her's is not an isolated case. In the circumstances i have the following doubts

1. Why it is always the person from our community who has been asked to change the religion?

2. I have seen some of the ladies/boys from other castes have been accepted in brahmin house hold as a brahmin but the other religion people refuse to accept those converts as equals why?

3. Though there is heavy advertisement about the effects of smoking it still continues. the smoker used to change the channel when those ads are telecast.If asked he will say i wont contract cancer. But he simply ignores that there is 90% chance of his getting cancer. Like this though there is precedence of the mostly girls who change religions suffer how even educated girls fall prey to these love jihads.

4. Why some of our own community members ridicule us if we ask such questions? but they never answer questions

5. There is an argument that as we are not following sastras fully we cannot call ourselves brahmins. But i consider those who do sandhyavandhanam daily can call themselves brahmins because no other caste or people from no other religion does it

6. Why people refuse to do sandhyavandhanam, feel shy to call themselves brahmins but want to continue to be a member tambrahm group? is it not a paradox?