ANTHA KALATHU KALYANAM

"Vango Vango" I came out of the room on hearing my father's voice. There i can see my neighbour with his wife in all smiles. I was doing my 8th standard then. He was telling my father " Bhagavan kribaiyaala annikki ponnu pathuttu ponale antha Madras varan settle aayiduthu. Nalannaikku Thanjavurla pillaiyoda chithiyathula nischayathaartham neenga ellarum kandippa varanum. Kooppidathaan vanthen. Appuram innoru samacharam Kalyanathumpothu ungathula sambandhi erangalamannu ketkalamnum vanthen". My father replied " tharalama ava inge vanthu erangattum. enakku santhosham thaan. Enakku officela velai irukku athunala neenga intha payalayum avanoda ammavaiyum nischayathaarthakku azhaichindu poittu vanthudungo". A pact sealed. I rushed out to see akka. She looked radiant and asked me Dei nee nalannaikku Thanjavur poriya when i said she okayed it and was smiling all along. The day of betrothal came. Some ten people from the agraharam including relatives left for Thanjavur. Before start of the ceremony one athai of the groom came out and asked the bride's mother " yendimma yenna seyyaporelnu pesittela pinnadi athu kutham ithu koraichalnu sollakoodathu. munnadiyae ellathaiyum pesindutungo" . The bride's mom said every thing was discussed and accepted and we have brought with us cash for dress. (The groom's side had not demanded any dowry, but giving cash for the bridegroom's dress is a custom). The ceremony went on well. Then bride's mom asked the groom's mom " Maami ungalukku Seer ethanai murukku ennennannu sollittelna engalukku thayaar panna sowkariyamaka irukkum". The groom's mom along with his sister consulted few people and told her engalukku 7 suthula 51 11 suthula 51 mathapadi ellathulayum 51 vechudungo".This was also accepted. The marriage date was fixed in another 35 days. When we are returning the bride's mom asked her husband " yenna nischayathaarthakku oorai kootti irukkalae. Kalyanathukku evvalavu per varuvzalo? theriyalaiaye. Nammaala samaalikka mudiyuma". Mama simply smiled and told her " Kozhandha athirstathukku ellam nanna nadakkum kavalai padathae". Reached our village. Next morning all ladies assembled at the bride's house. Some one undertook to prepare 2000 appalams, some one murukku some one sweet, some one undertook to book for milk and prepare therattu paal. the entire agraharam became busy with preparations. An excited expectation of the marriage is in the air. Radha, the bride was taught some cooking items like how to prepare kozhukkattai, how to behave with her in laws, how to prepare herself for varalakshmi nombu considered to be an essential qualification for becoming a house wife.

The agraharam was agog with patties talking how there marriage was conducted. Preparation of appalam, murukku, oorukai etc was in full swing. Seemed no one was free. We boys assembled at the bride’s house after school hours. Those who know cycling were asked to attend the work at some distance while the others were kept for indoor activities like collecting the appalams and storing at the house where dining has been arranged. Nathaswaram, maligai, pushpam, photographer, pandalkaran, Vadhyar, Samayalukku Chief cook like this so many people has to be contacted and the dates are to be confirmed. Elders took this job of arranging cook etc. In the evening, the bride and the boys and girls whose handwriting is legible were asked to write addresses on the invitations. Duly stamped they were sent to post office with an invitation to the post master also. Bride’s parents, uncles, aunties were sent to various places to invite their relatives. Then came logistics.

The Sambandhi people were to come from Madras. Meanwhile, at the groom’s house yathra dhaanam was completed and a yellow thread was tied in the hand of the groom. He was advised not to venture out while that kangan is in his hand. A bag containing some thing was handed over to him and he was asked to carry it throughout the journey. All the relatives are ready to start for the marriage. The usual last minute preparations viz “Neela colour pattu pudava eduthundiyodi” “ Mangalam Kozhandhaikku ennadi eduthundurukke? Flaskla paal irukka check pannikko.” When every one is satisfied that every thing has been taken and everything is somewhat perfect the people left for the station to board the train. The neighbour was asked to go to post office and inform the bride’s side that the groom’s party has started and they will reach the nearest railway station to the village by 4.00 am. The nearest railway station is 20 KM away. One person who works in a transport company took the responsibility of bringing them from Railway station to the village. Four able bodied youngsters were identified and were asked to go to railway station along with a senior member of the family to welcome the groom’s side.
At the village the Chief cook along with his team arrived in the evening before the day the groom’s party are supposed to arrive. They checked the groceries and vegetables. Checked sufficient fire wood was available. Menu was discussed and finalised. The bride’s parents were invited to the place where the cooking is going to be done. The chief cook took a fresh bath and arranged firewood in the aduppu.( don’t know the English word for it and forgot the name for the aduppu used for marriage functions) The mami was asked to lit the fire and the cook started saying slogams. “ Oh god I pray that there is possibility of some insects fall in the fire and die while I am cooking. Please forgive me for this sin. Oh God by eating my preparation every one stay healthy. Oh god please let every one eat heartily. Oh god all those people who eat my preparation lead a healthy and wonderful life. Oh god please grant them long life”. Thus the cooking for the marriage started.

The troops who went to Railway station reached in time and were ready for the arrival of the train. The train arrived. The senior from the bride’s side correctly identified the groom’s father and welcomed him. While doing so he ordered the boys to bring down the luggage from the train and load it in the bus waiting outside the station which was promptly carried out. The transport man arranged for a can of coffee which was distributed to the sambandhi. This earned a good impression on the bride’s side. The bus reached the village. Every one alighted. The boys who loaded the luggage unloaded them and were brought into our house. We were in all smiles to welcome the groom. Two old ladies came and took aarathi. The groom was garlanded by the onnu vitta brother of the bride. AS the news of arrival of the groom spread in the agraharam all the people came to see him. Saw him and some of them immediately rushed inside the bride’s house and told her “Payyan nanna irukkaandi.Lakshchanama irukkan” In the midst of it heard one patti telling “ Mappillai konjam karuppo? Namma radha colorukku maappilai niram mattuthan”. With festivity in the air the groom’s side entered into the house and were supplied coffee again. Some of the groom’s relatives were taken to other houses for bathing and dressing. The people started interacting with each other. There seems to be a possibility of yet another marriage may be fixed during this day. Easwara sankalpam

The groom’s party arrived and settled their luggages. Two boys were appointed to take care of their needs. “ Dei ambi, kozhandhaikku konjam sooda pasumpaal vangi thaayen. Irukkonno illai kaasu tharattuma?” “Vendam maami ella palum solli irukku”. Second point infavour of the bride’s side scored. Ellarum pal thechuttelna coffee kudikkarela?. Coffee plays an important part in Tambrahm marriages especially if the groom belongs to Thanjavur district and that too from Kumbakonam area. The groom’s side belongs to a village near Kumbakonam though they were now settled in Madras. Then Pillaiyathu Sastrigal announced “yendappa nee un appa and amma kulichuttu ready aayittela? Ingeye than Vratham. Neenga moonu per mattum tiffin ethuvum saapidatheengo. Naandhi irukku. Athula sambanda pattavallam sappidama irukkarathu slaakkiyam”. “Naanga ready mama”. Bride’s father and mother came to our house and checked with Sambandhi manushal is everything available and ok. You can ask these boys whatever you want and they will arrange it. “ “Ellam sowkariyama irukku. Neenga velaiya parungo. Ethavathu thevaina naanga pathukkarom” Sambandhi mama replied and bride’s parents were happy. Vradham started.
The same thing happened at the bride’s house also. Vradham started there also. Ladies were arranging for Paaligai. “Sakku pilliyathula poi Paligai thelikka vangonnu koopittindu vaadi” Sari mami and Sakku alias Sakunthala left for the groom’s place. Few ladies came and the procedures were carried out. After completion they were given thamboolam with some cash. On their return the groom’s mother enquired them “ Yendi ennadi mariyadhai pannina?”. “ Nanna panni irukka maami aalukku 5 ruba koduthirukka ( this in 1965 is a very big amount). “ Unakku mattuma ellarukkuma” The question was addressed towards the sister of the groom. Ellarukkumthamma” Another point scored. The some ladies approached the help boys and told them “ Pasangala naanga kovilukku poganumda appadiye kada theruvil konjam saaman vaanganum. Naanga yettu per porom. Rendu vandu yerpadu panrela” . Rendu enna maami moonu vandiye yerpadu panrom kooda Santhanathaiyum anupparom avan ungalukku kadai ellam kamippan. Poittu sappida vanthudungo”. One more mission accompalished. There was a commotion in the front yard. One of the ladies was welcoming “ Dei vaa vaa nee madras aathukke varuvennu ethirpathen. Thambi kalyanathukku ippadi lateah vara. Sari pottiya vachuttu vaa coffee kudikkalam”. He was introduced as Groom’s Periyappa son and he will be the Mappillai thozhan in the marriage ( Cousin brothernu ezhutha ponen. Just remembered Swathi Krishnakumar ’s post. So thought it better to type in thanglish than in englishnu mudivu pannitten). The the ladies left for the temple.
Around noon the cook announced Lunch is ready. A senior member from the bride’s family was sent to groom’s house to invite them for lunch which was promptly done. Some came some told they will come for next pandhi. They were taken to the house where the Lunch was served. People from bride’s side was waiting there expecting the arrival of the sambandhi people. An old man from the groom’s side “ adada engalukkaagava kathundurukkel. Pavame neenga saappida aarambikkalama. Ithu enna formality? Oy naama sambandhi aagaporom. Intha formalitylam vendam saappida vaango”. The hope of the marriage is going to be a smooth affair was confirmed in every one’s mind there. The message was conveyed to the bride and to her parents. A relaxing sigh was their answer. Then one mami came and told the cook oru 15 perukku saappaadu eduthu vachudungo. Konjam per kovilukku poyirukka. Mappillaiyoda akkavathu sambandhi ellam konjam lateah varuva. “ athukkenna maami besha varattum ellam neraya irukku. Eppa vena varattum. Neenga kavala padatheengo” replied the cook.
After finishing vradham and nandhi the groom’s side came for lunch. The eyes of the groom was searching all through the dining hall. But the person he was expecting is not there. She wont come till he completes his lunch or if he wished and said it openly she will come when he leaves. His sister understood his dilemma and told her mother “ amma naan radhavoda konjam pesanum athunaala avaloda saappittukkaren “. She went to fetch the bride. As it is against custom for the bride and groom to talk before exchange of garlands both of them could only see each other for a fleeting moment.
That was the first time i saw a blushing smile on my Radha akka’s face

Vradham completed. Saappadu over. Time for the groom’s people to take rest. The bride’s father came to enquire about whether all of them had their lunch which was immediately confirmed with a smile. He was asked when the Janvasam is going to be and what is the distance to the temple. Both the sambandhis and their wives consulted and arrived at a decision that the janvas may start around 7.00 pm and all the ladies should be ready by 5.30 p.m. Bullock driven carts will be arranged for oldies and ladies to go to the temple and others can walk. With this the bride’s parents left to take their lunch. Time for the groom’s side people to take rest. Some of them started sleeping there itself and some in neighbouring houses. Around 3.30 the groom called one of the boys and asked him whether he can purchase playing cards and offered some money. No mama i have been given money for this purpose. Then one mama came and told him “Dei ambi unakku seettu kattu pathi theriyumo? Plastic cardsnu kelu 555 illaina diamond nu rendu brand irukkum ethavathu oru brand pathu packet vangindu vaa. Ovvoru kattilum 56 card irukkanu check panni vangindu vaa” Sari mama. One more problem solved.
Around one maami from bride’s side came to groom’s residence and started giving malligai poo. Yendimma naalu pandhu poruma illai innum venuma konjam kettu sollen. Naalu panthu porum maami. Then the cook entered. Tiffin sappida ange varela illai ingeye eduthundu vandhudattuma? Enna tiffin voy? Rava Kesari, Urulai kizhangu bonda, mixture coffee mama. Ok ingeye kondu vanthudarela onnum kashtamillaiyae. Illai maama ingeye kondu vanthudarom. Yey pondukala tiffin ready seekiram dress pannindu tiffin sappida vango ellarum. Tiffin ingeye vanthudum. Ramamoorthy engada ponan. Itho irukken chithappa. Vaa vanthu tiffin saappittu un thambiya kelappu. Innum thoongindirukkan paar.
Meanwhile, some of the young ladies both married and un married started beautifying the bride. A short discussion ensued to decide which saree the girl should wear and finalised. Radha was simply sitting there smiling to the jokes the ladies are cutting in the room. Some vegetarian and some non vegetarian.
Bullock carts were ready with oldies and ladies. Yenda Nayanakarallam vanthacha? Yaar poyirukka kooppida? Mama ava nere kovilukku vanthudarennu sollitta naama purappaduvom. The kurukkal’s son came with the news the mappillai azhaippu car and nayanakarar have arrived at the temple. All of us excepting the groom, his parents and oldies started walking towards the temple. Some of us were despatched earlier to take care of the arrangements. With the help of the kurukkal the arrangements at the temple were made. Petromax lights people came and reported for duty. As darkness fell they were lighting their lights. Pookkarar was doing alankaram to the maappillai azhaippu vehicle. As desired by the bride Anna patchi alangaram was done and believe me it was very beautiful. The proceedings started in the temple. New set of dress was given to the groom. He received it handed over to the Mappillai thozhan and they were taken to the backside of the sannadhi for changing the dress. Two people were posted to stop the ladies from going round in the praharam. The groom got dressed and came. He was garlanded by the onnuvitta machinan and a chendu was given. A chain was also given to the groom. Then he was taken to the sannadhi for performing the archanai and was taken round the temple came out some one did Narayanasami act (Holding the shoes) which the groom put on and climbed into the car. Then the calamity started. All the kids started climbing up. For those who cannot climb their parents helped. The groom could not say anything as he did not know who is important and who is not. With the petromax light near him hissing and the heat emanating from it made him perspire more. The Jikina in the rose garland worsened the situation more. He started showing it in his face. Immediately his paternal aunt came and told him “ nanna irukkuda nee maappillai siricha mugama iruda” “Periyamma intha verva thaangalai. Pasanga koottam vera athigama irukku light vera sudarathu. Rumba kashtama irukku periyamma please enna kaappaathen”. Dei ithellam oru kashtamaada ithukke aluthundena mathathai ellam eppadi samalikka pore. Konja naazhithan poruthukko. Siricha mugama iru”. The procession started. With the nayanakarar and the melakaarar at their best, young girls in pattu pavadai, the petromax light hissing and spreading the white light, crackers and other vaanams lighting the sky i was looking for my crush who is simply dancing here and there in a fantastic pattu pavadai, sattai and thavani. A heaven in earth.

The procession moved on and reached aghraharam. The car was stopped at the entrance of the street. One old man approached the nayanakarar and asked “Yendappa unakku ‘marukelara’ paadam aayirukko” “ aayirukku saami” “appo athai konjam vasikkaraya? Nee vaasikkarathu rumba nanna irukkarathaala Ketten”. This is what the nayanakarar wanted more than the money. The fact that there is some one who knows something about music and he enjoys it cheered him and he started enthusiastically. For another half an hour it was literally raining music to the discomfiture of the groom. At last the procession moved and reached the groom’s residence. The groom alighted and as usual after performance of aarthi went inside. Some one from the groom’s side invited the bride’s side for nischayathaartham. Elders from both sides along with the parents were seated opposite to each other. After the vadhyar intoned the manthraas the plate was exchanged. Forgot to tell you that the photographer started taking pictures (black and white) from the temple itself. He was instructed to use around five or six rolls which will come to around 60 to 72 photos. Then the bride was called in and asked to perform namaskaram to the sabai. Then she was offered a saree by the groom’s side. Again she prostrated and took the saree went inside along with the groom’s sister. After draping the saree she came back performed prostration again. A diamond necklace was tied by the nathanar. Then aarathi was performed and the ceremony was over. This is the first time the groom had an eyeful of dharshan of Radha since the day he saw her first. Radha can only steal some glances but to her that is more than enough. She left for her house in the company of young ones. Once again all of them were requested to take their dinner at the arranged place and as usual some people went some stayed back. Some one asked for idlis (chappathi was not that much famous those days as most people don’t know whether they have diabetes or not) some asked for milk for themselves and some for babies. Everything was complied to their satisfaction.
Then we boys were asked to arrange a place for playing of cards. We went in search for such a place. We were secretly instructed by the groom’s father to look for a place away from their residence as their noise will disturb those who want to sleep. The instructions were carried out to the letter. Bedsheets with four or five pillows were taken to that thinnai where the game is going to start. Bed sheets were spread. Lighting arranged. Four jugs of water with tumblers, Kumbakonam vethilai, varuval seeval, yelakkai, krambu, Sunnambu, pugaiyilai everything was arranged. The ukranam ( a man appointed for the specific purpose of taking care of groceries and other duties. His duties include 1. Supplying the grocery needed for the cook 2. Keeping tab of tings especially tumblers left after drinking coffee/ water 3. Arranging vaidheeka saamans depending on the proceedings. For instance if kasi yathrai is going to start he will bring a book, umbrella prayana mudi etc before the start of the ceremony. Like wise he will arrange for the colored balls for the oonjal) came and informed the card gamers if any one of them wanted scented tobacco (Rajaji Panneer Pugaiyilai and Amme Batcha panneer pugaiyilai were so famous in those areas then) is available with him and they can get it from him. As the panneer tobacco is little bit costly it will not be given freely and those who used to chewing tobacco at times may not want it. ( i loved Rajaji panneer pugayilai and was addicted to it for years).
Some of us started watching the people playing cards. A little bit later the groom came and enquired is everything ok and was replied in affirmative. He also started watching. Then his father came “ kalambara seekkiram ezhunthurukkanum poi paduthukko thookkam varatho illaiyo konja neram udamba pottu perattu”. So the groom left. We were also advised like that. We simply went to another thinnai and lied down. It never occurred to us to ask for a bedsheet or pillow. Forced by tiredness we slept like logs till such time one from the bride’s house came to wake us up.

We woke up and went home to brush and to take bath. Found the bathing area full of ladies and went to another house in the agraharam and sought permission to use their well for bathing. “Asadu ithukku ethukkuda permission naanga ellarum kulichuttom neengallam kulingo.” Saw the tooth powder in our hand. “ yenda innum pallu theikkaliya? Appo coffee saappittirukka mattel. Naan coffee podaren. Neenga pallu thechuttu vango. Coffee kudichuttu kulikkalam”. We simply said ok and bathed and dressing and combing everything was completed there itself. Returned back home. Vangoda seekkiram tiffin saappidungo. Neraya velai irukku. Some one from bride’s home called. We completed the tiffin and went to the bride’s home. Just then the preparations for kaasi yathrai was underway. Vadhyar from bride’s side and groom’s side was telling everybody it is time for kasi yathra so every one should assemble in the pandal. Nayana goshti was also ready. Kasi yathrai started with the groom in panchakacham holding a bag, a fan and a book of Vishnu Sahasranamam took few steps (actually he was coming towards the pandal) where the bride’s father met him and repeated the words uttered by the vadhyar requesting the groom to return back and he will give his daughter’s hand in marriage. (Considering Radha’s beauty i don’t think the groom would have even dreamt of going anywhere leave alone kasi). Then Radha was brought out by her friends and close relatives. She was all in glory. The inner happiness of getting married reflecting in her face. The malai maatral went on with the accompaniment of “Maalai maatrinaal. Kodhai maalai mattrinaal” in Nayanam with usual pomp and galatta.
On completion of the malai maatral the couple were asked to come and sit in the oonjal. To the relief of the groom only two children was permitted to sit by their side. Both the bride and groom was given paal pazham. I was asked to stand behind the couple with two towels in hand. After the couple took the paal pazham it became my duty to offer the towel for them to wipe their hands. Felt like a hero because of my proximity to the couple. One patti ordered “Yendiyama ivvalavu pommnattikal irukkel yarukkum pada theriyatha. Padungolendi”. So the usual “Kannoonjal aadi irunthal kaanchana mala” started with three or four girls joining a little bit later. Then came pachapudi. All the sumangalies older to the couple were throwing the coloured balls. “ Uma unakku pidikkaatha aachu (Raju) ange nikkaram paar. Avanai kuri paathu adichudu” Jokes cut. With the bride’s mother and groom’s mother taking the light in a vessel and slightly pouring water came round the couple the oonjal was over. But Rahukalam came so the couple have to wait for some more time in oonjal. With all those people around both of them did not know what to do except looking at each other and smiling. Think both were shy to talk to each other. Then an old man was seen asking the Nayanakarar “ Yenda Kaliyamoorthy ethavathu vasiyenda. Appothanda unnoda vidhwath vanthirukkaravaalukku theriyum ethanai naalukku than ulloorileye vasichudu iruppe? Naalu ooru poi vasichu sampathikka vendama”. “Venam saami namma oorla vasikkarathe nalla irukku. Nalla varumaanam varuthu. Nalla mariyaathaiyum irukku. Aana periyavanga neenga solreenga Vasikkaren”. Then started his cutchery. A group of people sat around him and started enjoying the music. People were asked to go for their tiffin. ( Ashoka alwa, Pongal, Chidambaram Kothsu, medhu vadai, idly, Thenkai chutney, coffee). Then the marriage manthrams started. Sastrigal started manthrams for changing the gothrams. Naana nee pravaram solrayada sari mama. Time for mangalya tharanam came. All of us were asked not to shake the hands with the couple until such time panigrahanam was completed. Though we don’t know when panigrahanam will be completed we simply accepted what we were asked to  do. 

Radha was given the koorai pudavai. Accompanied by the sister of the groom she went into a room to change to madisar from the normal dress she was accustomed to till then. All of us were waiting for her. Then she came. Meanwhile pushpam ashathai were distributed to the sabhai and the thirumangalyam was taken round to seek the blessings of elders.
Arakku colour pattu pudavai. Madisar katti vida therinjava yaro katti vitturukka. Nethila chutti. Kathula lolaakku. Mookkula bullaakku. Kazhuthula Rojappo Malai, Neraya nanna pinnina thala mayiru iduppu vaaraikkum thongarathu. Surya prabai Chandra prabaiyoda nethila azhaga kungumam ittundu lesana sirippoda (oru chinna tension theriyarathu antha sirippula) annam pola ava thavazhnthu vantha azhagu irukke it is still fresh in my mind. ( enakku ippo nenaicha ore oru kurai theriyarathu. Azhaga aandal kondai pottundu muzhangal varaikkum maalai pottinduruntha innum thookkala irunthirukkum).Came and did prostrations to sabha. Her father is sitting on a chair. She was asked to sit in his lap. After completing the formalities of ulakkai thalaila vachu manthiram solrathu and all the thirumangalyam was handed over to the groom. He has been instructed to tie once and the other two will be done by his sister. “Getti Melam, Getti Melam” shouts every where. Radha has become the wife of that boy who came from Madras some days back. There were tears in the eyes of the bride’s parents though they were seen smiling. “ asadu asadu azhathedi nanna kalyanam panni irukke appuram ethukku azhare. Santhoshama irudi. Kanna thodachukko” some one was consoling the mother. Panagam was distributed to the sabai. The sweetness of the tongue spreading all over the hall with every one of them blessing “Dheerga sumangali bhava. Sarva mangalaani bhavanthu”

I have forgotten to tell you about one thing  the sastrigal said during the muhurtham. “ Ellarum utkarntha idathulernthe akshathaiya veesi eriyatheengo. Innum homam, pori idarathunnu neraya irukku. Thambathigal ingeye utkarnthundu iruppa. Aakaiyinaalae konjam sramam paakkaama pakkathile vanthu thambathikalukku akshathai pottu manasaara aseervatham pannungo. Ithan moolam akshathai tharaila ella idathulayum kedakkarathum illama pogum”. The people except a few did as they were told. After distribution of panakam and visiri (printed with the name of the new couple) all of them were asked to assemble for lunch. The boys were directed to take care of the lunch and the people who came for the marriage. We went there. A person little bit older than us took charge of directing us what to do. Some of us took water jugs and tumblers. Some took sambar bucket. Some took payasam bucket. Some pachadi. Some the cooked vegetables. Aviyal, Kosumalli, Urulaikizhangu kari, Rojappo Kulkanthu, Sweet manga pachadi every bucket was taken by some of us. We were asked to stand in a queue depending on which should be served first and where. One mama accompanied the boy serving and directed him where the item should be placed. Next Next the serving continued. The chief cook was supervising looking at the rush and availability of sadham and other things. After  two or three pandhis he directed his cooks to prepare thideer rasam as he felt there will be shortage. The rasam pandhi was going on. Sweet sambudam was taken by four persons one person for each row followed by payasam. After serving payasam appalam was served for a second time. (in those days payasam will be eaten by the people after pressing appalams in it.)  Then pickles were served followed with rice and curd. There was a plate with Kumbakonam Kozhundhu Vethalai, seeval, kalippaakku, thekkam pakku and kotta pakku along with a pakku vetti, sunnambu and pugaiyilai. As usual  the ugranam mama was standing near that thaamboola plate to serve panneer pugaiyilai. Some one was sent to bring the seettaata goshti to the dining hall. When we went there to call them, the wives of some of them were already there telling them “ yenna kalyanathukku vanthela illai seettattathukku vanthela. Enna ezhavu seetto? Our kalyanam illai kaatchi illai eppa paathalum seettu enga vanthaalum seettu. Ekkedo kettu ozhinchu pongo. Kalyanam mudinchu pochu. Ellarum saappittum aachu. Neenga enna panna porel. Saappittittu oorukku kelambara ennam irukka illai ingeye seettu aadindirukka porela? “Kathathaadi iru varen sappittu oorukku kelambalam”. “ Appo swamigale naan kelambaren appurama parppom. Enna oru korai enakku kadaisi aattathumpothu innum rendu joker vanthirukkalam. Elaarukkum poittu varen”. Seettatta sabai kalainthathu.

Meanwhile grahapravesam was done in our house. The newly married couple along with some maamis and maamas came to our house (supposed to be the groom’s residence) Aarathi was taken by my mom and one more maami from groom’s side.  Radha akka nakkala sirikkara madhiri i felt. Yenda ungathukku varathukku enakku aarathiyannu. I too smiled back. After taking milk and fruit and prostrations before the swami  photo both of them returned to the bride’s house. Then maappillai was asked to go home and change to a convenient dress and come back for lunch.

A special place was reserved for the new couple. Kolam was put and two vaazhai ilai pottu theertham thelithu ilai readya vachuruntha. The couple along with their parents and some relatives who were waiting for the couple and their parents also joined. Usual kindal and keli started. Maappillai was asked to feed Radha and vice versa. The high light was Radha vekkapattunde thalaiya kunichu oottinathil jaangiri maappillai mookkil nuzhaiya mudiayaamal thavikka avar vaaya thiranthu jaangiriyai kavvindathuthaan. With every one cutting jokes and bride’s father thinking about further work the lunch was over. One of the best thing i observed in the marriage was the groom’s father called the master cook and told them “ Sappadu, tiffin ellam nanna irunthuthu. Parcharaka ellarum nanna gavanicha. Romba thanks”. The master cook was almost in tears “ anna ithupola yaarum ithuvarai enga kitta sonna thillai. Naan manapoorvama aseervatham panren kozhanthel nanna iruppa”.

Yarda thenga pai kodukka pora? Ammadi neeyum pathu thenka pai eduthundu poi pommanattikalukkellam kudu. Irungo mami bakshanam tharen vaangindu pongo. Raaji nalanju bakshana pai kondaadi. Veedu ore kalebarama irukku. Yenda maappillai aathukku thenga pai rendu moottaiyum bakshana pai konjamum kondu poi koduthelo? Aachu mama.  Avalai poi pai poruma illai innum konjam venumannu kettundu vaa.  Appadiye vethalai, seeval kunguma santhanam ellam kondu poi kodu. Instructions followed to the letter. Some of the people started saying good bye. Vechiles ( enna ellam maattu vandi than) arranged. The person who works in the bus company was stationed in the bus stop till all of them whoever were going on that day went.  There was a lull in the house. Some us went and slept. We were asked to come back by 9.00 pm and the packing may be done after night dinner.

Around 5.00 pm the ladies assembled for Nalangu at the groom’s residence. Kids were permitted and the gents were talking about what further to be done. With his sister as his mate the groom started Nalangu. Usual pranks like showing the mirror on reverse, asking the bride to put the flower in the groom’s head (thalaila poo vachu vidarathu), appalam udaikkarathukku thinnuda koodathu ponne all these were going on. As in other cases, Radha did things beautifully like maappillai kaalukku manjal poosarathu, nalangu idarathu, thalai vari vidarathu, pottu vachu vidarathu all these things were done beautifully by her and the groom did it as how a man does things which were supposed to be beautiful. After completion of formalities like appalam udaikkarathu Radha was asked to sing and she sang the song “Bandureethi kolo” with her sweet voice which made some of the mamis and mamas very happy. Besh Besh Ramamoorthy un matt upon nanna padeara inime navarathrimbothu en ambadaiya kuralai kettuttu azhugai varadhu. The thanjavur kusumbu was at its peak. One of the wonderful thing is the groom has also joined Radha midway making her stop singing and wondering whether to continue or not. Can see her blushing and smiling. Her inner happiness was on show on her face which is already radiating. With both of them singing and completing it the nalangu came to an end.

Meanwhile, the logistics were discussed with the groom’s father. He asked us to pack the things like seer pathiram etc in a card board boxes and can be shipped to Madras through Southern Roadways ( a TVS company a reputed goods transporter those days). A person was despatched to the local branch of Southern Roadways to check up how the boxes were to be packed and what are the formalities to be completed. We were asked to pack the things tight in card board boxes with both sender’s and receiver’s name prominently printed on a paper to be pasted on all the sides of the boxes. They have to be numbered serially and the luggage form should be completed and should be delivered to the parcel office along with a marriage invitation so that the tax authorities can be convinced that the vessels in the boxes are not for sale.

The vadhyar came around 7.30 pm and the santhi muhurtham mandhrams were on. Two silver plates were placed . On completion of sastra formalities both of them were given milk rice (Paal sadham) then ushered into a room which was supposedly decorated for this purpose. ( The decoration involves neat beds, oothuvathi, one small scent bottle, with an oiled fan and some flowers sprinkled over the bed and with a night lamp. Thats all). Once they went inside all the boys were asked to assemble at both the bride and groom’s residence packing started. Some one directed which vessel should be put to which box? Some one took the work of striping the box with metal wire, some one took the work of fixing the nails, some one selected good boxes, some one repaired the broken boxes, unusable ones were discarded and taken to kottai aduppu. Some of us were deputed to bride’s house where we started packing Radha’s dresses. Silk sarees in one tin box with papers spread below the sarees. Daily use sarees in another box, cosmetics, powder bangles etc in another box. It was around  4.00 am when everything was completed. As usual we went to a thinnai and slept.

In the morning woke to the sound of Nayanam. The couple were ready to go to the river for distributing Paalikai. (Paalikai karaikka) We went home had our coffee took bath had our tiffin and presented ourselves at Radha’s home. A small group accompanied the procession to river. With all the people enroute blessing and looking at them the newly married couple  went to river and finished their job and returned back. Breakfast happened to be Sadham, Vatha kozhambu, Milagu rasam, Poricha appalam, Paruppu Payasam, konjama puliyotharai and curd. After feasting for three days this meals seemed wonderful and tasty.  One person from Groom’s side was entrusted with kattu sadha koodai. A big poosani kai, konjam vazhakkai, matha karikai konjam konjam, Puloiyodharai, Thayirsadham, Mavadu, Konjam molaga podi thadavina idly, konjam ghee, ordinary idly konjam, four flasks full of milk, two thookku full of hot water every thing was loaded in bullock cart. The boxes belonging to both the group were also loaded. The maternal uncle and his wife were asked to accompany Radha to Madras as they were also from Madras.

Farewell began. Most of the ladies were seen crying. The mappillai stood there with a confused look whether to smile, whether to console his wife or to keep mum. His mother assured Raedha’s mother that Radha will be like a maharani at her house and her parents need not worry. Radha’s father was seen talking to Groom’s father telling him how Radha was dear to our heart and so on. The sambandhi mama was telling him not to worry and also told him “Kalyanam nanna panninel. Engalukku rumba santhosham oru chinna koraiyum illa. Neenga eppa vena Madras vango unga ponna parka engalukku letter podanumnu kooda thevai illai”. This words soothed the parents of Radha. The carts started. We boys were asked to accompany the carts and to load things in bus and train. As i was considered a small boy i am supposed to go to bus stop only. With crying eyes Radha took leave of every one. Asked my parents to visit her and send me to Madras for annual leave. The person of transport company brought the bus to the bus stop.

We were all there. The bus came. Things were loaded. All of them boarded the bus. A window seat was allotted for Radha. I stood there watching her.The bus started moving. She was looking  at me with tears in her eyes and waving her hand. I waved back with misty eyes. In those days the boys are not supposed to cry openly.